Namita was a 28-year-old an entrepreneur running a semi successful online venture. She had an urban city upbringing and enjoyed her life in the city. But she was panicking because she was turning 29 in a few months’ and was still single. She called her friends for advice. They all suggested she sign up on an online matchmaking service, which Namita obediently did. Within 2 months of signing up, Namita called her friends again to let them know she had met someone. They had decided to get married within six months and that everyone in their families were excited and happy about the news. Her friends prodded her for the lowdown on her groom to be. Namita excitedly shared details about the schools he had graduated from, the work he was doing and gushed about his large, affectionate family. She mentioned in passing that she did not appreciate that he was still living with his parents and that they were all planning to move lock, stock and barrel to a much smaller city after the wedding. One of her closest friends cautioned Namita to discuss her reservation with him before it was too late. But Namita was confident that she would be able to change things in her favoring. Post the nuptials, Namita and her new family moved to a smaller city, which fortunately did not impact Namita’s venture. Soon, Namita grew resentful about the move which became passively aggressive towards her husband. She felt he agreed to the move without being concerned about how she felt. The first six months of wedded bliss that Namita had dreamed of, were in fact the exact opposite.
Soon after, she realized she was expecting their first child. Once again, she called her friends to share the news. Her close friend urged her to strengthen her relationship with her husband before they bring the child into their lives. Namita stubbornly ignored this advice assuming that once the child was born, they would move back to the city. Though Namita’s pregnancy went off well, she became more resentful towards her in-laws and her husband. She blamed them for her current situation – living with parents and in a small town. Namita’s husband made efforts. He took her for short luxury vacations to make things work between them, but nothing helped. It didn’t matter to her. She completely stopped participating in family events always giving her work priority. After a point Namita’s husband lost his patience and began to become irritated with the situation. He started ignoring Namita. After, their child was born, things got much worse rather than getting better. There was a massive blame game, anger loaded with insults and finally 2 years after the marriage, Namita has filed for a divorce and is now fighting over the custody of their child.
So, can a relationship be everlasting? We discussed this in an earlier piece. Now let’s talk about challenges in a relationship and signs that a relationship is not likely to last long. As humans we want to be in a relationship because it provides the security of knowing that someone really cares about your well-being. That you matter to someone.
You realize that you are in a relationship when your thought process starts shifting from “Mine” to “Ours”. Then why do two people who were in love, see cracks appear in what they share? Why are challenges coming up and trouble brewing in paradise? How did this happen? What are the signs that appear revealing that all is not well in a relationship?
- Fear of communication and the urgency to be in a relationship: When you are getting to know each other, you avoid communicating things that bother. You may be assuming that you can manage any differences or that you can manipulate things for your desired outcome.
- Being burdened by societal norms: In the name of ‘tradition’ we have a very strong perception of how relationships should be. These traditional norms don’t work for everyone and can lead to trouble in a relationship, especially if this aspect is not discussed earlier.
- Contempt & Indifference: When one partner makes the other partner feel small by not taking any interest in the partner, their life, their work or their family. It may escalate to disrespecting the partner’s friends and family.
- Neglect: One partner tends to give more time to other activities than their partner. This can make the partner feel ignored, neglected and worse, disrespected. Couples usually take each other for granted but neglecting each other’s needs can be fatal to a relationship.
- Aggression: Passive aggression can be brutal for a relationship. This toxic behavior shown to the partner will rarely be repeated with anyone else because it will not be acceptable by others.
- Violence & Abuse: The first signs of this kind of behavior may not be directed towards the partner but if you are not blinded by the need to be in a relationship, they do show up in a person’s behavior towards others.
Keep your eyes open to these signs to avoid painful heartache in the future.