Well-Being//

Posing This Simple Question to a First Date Will Help You Decide If You Have a Future Together

Plus, a major red flag.

 Courtesy of <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/0lLoXbAZ31o">Alex Holyoake / Unsplash </a>

By Lindsay Dodgson

  • Sometimes it can be tricky to work out everything about someone on a first date.
  • According to a marriage counsellor, how they answer one simple question can tell you whether you should stick around or not.

First impressions are very important. That’s why a first date with someone is so nerve-racking — you have to put your best self out there and hope for an instant spark.

But it’s not all on you. You want to actually fancy the person sitting opposite you too. Dating is a way of sussing out whether you want this person to be around all the time or none of the time. Unfortunately, this is made even more difficult by game playing, emotional barriers, and the fact Tinder exists.

According to marriage counsellor Robert Maurer, author of “One Small Step Can Change Your Life,” the essential predictor for a successful relationship isn’t shared interests, the same job, or sense of humour. No, it’s cutting to the chase with one simple question:

“So how come someone as wonderful as you is still single?”

In a blog post on Psychology Today, he explained: “Your date will hopefully hear this question as a compliment but their answer is usually revealing. Everyone makes mistakes in dating and that is not the issue.

“As they relate the stories of their last relationship(s) are they taking any responsibility for choosing poorly or not having the right skills at that point in their lives? Are they taking any responsibility for the last relationship not working?”

If their answer portrays them as the victim, then Maurer says you should run. Relationships are a two-way street, and unless you’re dating a narcissist, you are both likely to have played some part in your previous break-ups.

But some people always blame others for relationships not working out, which is a major red flag.

“All relationships run into stumbling blocks,” Maurer wrote. “When you hit the inevitable rough patches, will they look for ways to help or wait for you to take the blame, the whole blame, and nothing but the blame?”

He added that two renowned marriage researchers, John and Julie Gottman, have found that the key skill for a successful relationship is being able to “repair” and resolve issues together.

“It is hard to make an effort to repair if every problem is the other person’s fault,” he wrote. “So look for someone who is willing to look inside for the source of the problem and for solutions, nothing is more vital for a relationship to thrive.”

Originally published at www.businessinsider.com

More From Business Insider:

11 things unsuccessful people do over long weekends

8 things successful people do after getting back from vacation

14 things successful people do over 3-day weekends

You might also like...

Wisdom//

Here's a Truthbomb: Happiness Really Isn't the Point of Marriage

by The Gottman Institute
Raquel Lonas/Getty Images 
Well-Being//

9 Signs You're a Lot More Likable Than You Think

by Business Insider
Well-Being//

If You’re a Natural People-Pleaser, Here’s How to Break Free

by Rebecca Muller
Thrive Global
People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.

- Marcus Aurelius

Sign up for the Thrive Global India newsletter

Will be used in accordance with our privacy policy.