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Getting over someone you never dated

Here are some tips to help.

Julian-yu/ Unsplash
Julian-yu/ Unsplash

When we sign up on an online dating service we do so with the hope that we find a partner, and that too preferably in a few days or a few months. Moreover, most of us would much rather prefer it if the prospect reaches out to us and makes the first move, rather than us reaching out to them initially. 

Perhaps most of us who do sign up don’t realise this, but a lot of the time society’s perception on relying online to find a partner is rather negative, and is considered to be depended upon if you haven’t been successful in finding a partner offline (more will be talked about online dating and when is the right time to find a partner in another post).

 All these emotions and mental mindset have the single individual wanting to find a partner soon and to get off the dating market. These emotions are further worsened if, say, you are a single Indian in your 30s. When there are all these pressures, we are bound to make mistakes like getting attracted to someone who we barely knew,  only to feel hurt a few months down the line when we eventually realise what a waste of time it was.

One of the most common situations we might find ourselves in is falling for someone you have never met in person, but somehow still planning out your future with them. You may or may not have spoken to the person but you have invested 24, maybe 48 hours to a week in interacting with them on social media. But then all of a sudden, poof: they’ve ghosted you. You were invested in this relationship, you also discussed travel or maybe your life plans with this individual, thought them to be the one for you. However your major mistake being, that you did not realize that the other individual was only responding as they had nothing better to do at that time. 

Such an experience can be emotionally exhausting, and more so if you have had voice and video interaction, even if it is once. In some cases you may have met for coffee, drinks, or even a meal. 

The hurry to be in a long term relationship makes us often make this mistake where we invest all our focus and energies on this one individual thinking that doing so will lead to some permanency. However, this is far from the truth: this is one-sided, and based on the assumption that the other person shares the same emotions as you. But when they inevitably ghost you, and stop responding to your texts, that’s when all hell breaks loose. This is when you know you need to get over someone you have not dated. Here are some tips:

  • Don’t reach out to them more than 3 times in 48 hours. Give them the benefit of doubt, but if you do not hear back, do not spam call/ text them. If you do so they will block you, and this will only further hurt you.
  • Delete the number as opposed to blocking it. Blocking leaves some hope and you do not need to live in hope from someone who is not interested in knowing you.
  • Unfollow the person and maybe even block the person on all their social media handles. Let’s not fool ourselves, you were emotionally invested in the person, you will stalk their accounts. Seeing them happy and with others will not work for you emotionally. 

Yes, there will be an element of sadness too, after all the euphoria was so high as you both spoke all night or were in regular touch over a marathon of texts for a week where you assumed you had found the one. But this was so very far from reality, so remind yourself that it’s ok to feel disappointed. Having said this, try and not repeat such an act next time around. Go slow, do not give all you have to someone you have just met, be sure, bring up the communication around relationship expectations, and if they match, then there is no stopping you.

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